I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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