Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
