He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
