Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
