We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize