First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
