Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
