she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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