Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
