If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
