i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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