he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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