Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
