It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
