You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
