Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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