I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
