Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
