Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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