Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
