I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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