i was born a porn star she said
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
