Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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