Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
