I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
