So drunk, too bad you don't want this
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
