I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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