I like my sex mixed with concussions.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
