Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
