Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
