my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
