I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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