you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
