I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
