you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
