don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
