I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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