saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
