I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Let's paint friendship bongs
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.