i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
