I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
