Dude my mom stole all your condoms
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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