i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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