someone threw a dead crab at me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
