Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
