i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
