I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
