Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
