All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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