Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
