I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
