There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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