do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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