just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
