You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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