i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's just like the Real World with babies
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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