yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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