then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
