who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
