Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
