my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
