??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
