You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
