The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
