look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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