I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
