haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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