I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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