My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
