ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
