You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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