Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
