we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you win again, gameday.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
