he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
