Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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