my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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