So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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