I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
