shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
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We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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