He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
