I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
