i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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