The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Vodka?
Forever.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
