Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
