dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
