Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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