When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
