Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
