WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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